A young fieldworker's journey

By Patawee Promsen

March 25^th, 2021

I moved to Li, Lamphun at the beginning of March.

To begin my journey as an ethnographer.

And before the month ends, I would like to use this space to remember what has been going on, what I have been through, what I'm doing, and what is on my mind.

One thing I have learned is: being an ethnographer is not easy, and it is so much harder than what I imagined it would be.

Through books I have read over years in my Master's and PhD, I have seen many second-hand ethnographer's pains and despairs. Their fears, their hopelessness, their anxieties, their loneliness are documented as parts of the experiences in the field. I knew it was not easy but still couldn't help wondering why it was so difficult for them to just get out of their comfort zone and to learn, when it was them who choose the place, the topic, and the people. Now it's my turn to experience that desperation. I can't talk to many people. I don't even like all of them. I get tired so easily. I can't tolerate heat in the afternoon. I tear myself down every day for being unproductive. I beat myself and feel sorry for the places I haven't visit, the interviews I haven't done, the people I haven't met, the roads I haven't taken.

I know this might happen at the early stage of fieldwork, but I just don't know how long, or just "how" to cope with days and nights that I have wasted and will waste.

They said it will be better in time. But what if it won't?

...

P.S. These photos are taken at the funeral of Kruba Pan, the late abbot of Huaytom Community, happening this week. It's the 50 days after his passing and they spend 3 whole days to service his death and celebrate his merit. In May, when it's 100 days of his passing, the funeral tradition will be much bigger.