DARKNESS

By Patawee Promsen

November 3^rd, 2019

A question today: Write about darkness

I don't have much to write today.

Not because I don't consider myself as not having a dark side, but because darkness in me grows so fast these past few months. There have been so many things going on in these months. I moved back to Thailand to hear the saddest news in my life. I postponed the flight back America. I spent a lot of money because of that. I was stressed out so much that my period disappears for two months. I moved to a new apartment. I have a roommate again after several years of living alone. I learned how to live in a tiny room without going crazy. I met people, old and new. I took a class I don't really like. I took a class I love. I was a part of the university and departmental politics. I went to gym regularly. I got a dissertation committee. I had a chance to work with a scholar I adore. I experienced good things. I experienced bad things. I felt happy. I felt sad. All these ups and downs and ups and downs are the favorite food for a little monster who grows up faster and faster in the darkest place in my life. I know it's always there inside me. I know it lives in a place where all the flowers wither and all the sunshine cannot reach. It is a part of me that I don't want to embrace, but still it is what makes me who I am today, and I know I cannot deny that.